Maybe, Maybe Not…

I might be in labor. Then again, maybe not. It’s hard to tell.

I’ve told this baby that it needs to hold out until at least after Friday because I need to walk into court with a big belly, but that doesn’t mean baby will listen to mommy. After all, it took baby three whole weeks to drop so I could finally walk again.

This past Thursday, the doctor did an exam and discovered I was 1cm dilated. She even felt the baby’s head! (I forgot to ask if it had hair…). Being 1cm dilated though doesn’t really mean a whole lot because my friend Melissa walked around for two weeks 2cm dilated and still had to be induced a week after her due date.

I’ve called practically every woman I know who has been pregnant. I’ve also made my rounds here at the office. I have yet to get a straight answer. After all, labor is different for everybody.

I may be having Braxton Hicks contractions, or it may be the real thing. Since they started last night, I’m working on close to no sleep.

I was asked if I have a high tolerance for pain, because I am describing these contractions as merely “uncomfortable.” I can’t really answer that question because I’ve never broken a bone or been through surgery or anything like that (just a sprained wrist in 6th grade).

I don’t feel ready to have this baby today, especially because my mom is stuck in Arnold with no car (we’re buying one tonight), a suddenly very sick, old cat, PLUS my step-dad is back in CA until at least Nov. 2nd…

I’ll keep you posted…

Isn’t It Ironic?

I am SURE that I will not need to point out the irony of FB’s statements to you, my intelligent readers.

tm from FB on 10/20/04, 1:00pm:

“have u forgotten u promised me joint cust if we got divorced. I can prove it, but why do I have to; that’s whats best for the baby. don’t u want that”

To clarify: I never promised him joint custody; I MAY have mentioned it in general terms at the very first mention of the “D” word, BEFORE I had all of the facts; ie. before I knew about the whore, etc. The rest I’ll leave up to you to discern.

The countdown begins: Only 8 more days till court, which I’m hoping will hold many surprises for FB; mainly, “What do you mean I won’t be in the delivery room??” He is 28 years old; I think it is time he learns that there are very real consequences to his decisions/actions.

Babies!

Last night, I visited my friend/co-worker Melissa in the hospital. I got to hold her daughter, Ellie Nicole, born 10/19/04 at 5:40pm (CT) via cesarean. Ellie sucked peacefully on her pacifier and fell asleep in my arms. She looks just like her daddy and has perfectly round, rosy cheeks (the kind Grandma’s love to pinch!) and a head full of dark hair.

All I could think as I held this beautiful, delicate human being in my arms (she had been out of the womb for only 25 hours) was, “Wow. I can’t believe I have one of these in my belly.”

Amazing.

I can’t wait to meet my baby!

Defending Your Territory

My 20 lb. cat/mountain lion, Mr. Penny, is none too pleased that another cat has invaded his territory. The other cat is my parents’ 14-year old tabby, Butter, who is a 7 lb. ball of bones and fur. Butter had just traveled over 2,000 miles from California on his first plane ride ever, which couldn’t have been all that much fun. While Butter sat on the bed, exhausted and minding his own business, content just to be on solid ground again, Penny had to get all up in his face and sh**. (Yes, Mr. Penny is a gangsta’). His tail puffed up and he whined and cried and hissed. Butter rolled his eyes and thought to himself, “Damn teenagers.”

Starry Days

I have to stop reading FB’s horoscope. (He’s a Libra).

He doesn’t deserve to have a five-star day.

That Depends

Why I insist on telling everyone I know this story, I’ve no idea, because it’s quite embarrassing actually. But it’s too funny to pass up, so here goes:

Saturday I ended up in the hospital because I thought my water broke…

In reality, I had simply peed my pants.

No joke.

How am I supposed to know? It was weird because I didn’t have the sensation that I had to pee…

“Don’t worry ma’am,” the nurse said kindly. “It happens all the time.”

Some Things Lost, Some Things Gained

In the past month, I have lost:

• A “best” friend/companion/partner/husband/lover
• At least one brother
• A sister
• A nephew/godson
• A mother/father
• A grandmother/grandfather
• Aunts/uncles/cousins

…in short, a family.

I have gained:

• A lawyer
• The true meaning of friendship/love/family
• What it is to be moral/ethical (or not)
• What a coward looks/act like
• (In)sight into the true colors of those I have known; those I thought I knew
• An understanding that I can’t control how others behave/react/cope/fail to cope. (Understanding does not equal acceptance)
• The realization that denial is the most powerful defense mechanism our brain uses to protect us from the truth/reality we cannot accept.
• More and more love for my baby with each passing day…and each kick!
• Support, caring, extended hands and offers of sympathy, empathy, help and “whatever you need.”
• More and more determination to teach my son how to respect women; to be strong for him. To teach my daughter that despite my own experience, not all men leave.
• Strength…which comes only from the support of family and friends and co-workers.
• Blessings…that YOU are in my life. I couldn’t get through each day without you. Thank You.
  

Move Baby, Move

This baby has GOT to move. It is currently stretched out across my tummy (head on left side, feet on right). This position does NOT make mommy happy. Actually, it puts a lot of pressure on mommy’s left hip/side, making it very difficult and painful to walk. And mommy can’t take anything other than Tylenol which does absolutely nothing. And the doctor can’t do anything until the baby decides to drop…which could be anytime in the next three weeks. Drop, baby drop.

Maybe if we chant it all together now: move, baby move. drop, baby drop. move…

Vocabulary Lesson

Main Entry: em·pa·thy
Pronunciation: 'em-p&-thE
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek empatheia, literally, passion, from empathEs emotional, from em- + pathos feelings, emotion -- more at PATHOS
1 : the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

Alternate Reality

Based on their track record, I am honestly surprised that the Cs didn’t invite me over last evening for cake and ice cream to celebrate FB’s birthday.

Although Jack (Jamie’s dad) attacked me on the phone last week, his mother (Sue) left a very cheery message on my machine this Saturday afternoon inviting me to take the dogs to the park on Sunday.

Just after her husband spent the morning at my house moving out his brother, my sister-in-law called and left a message for me stating that Riley (my nephew) missed me very much and could they stop by later this afternoon?

After FB told me that his lawyer advised him NOT to pay the mortgage on our house, he asked if he could feel the baby.

It’s kind of like those Choose Your Own Adventure books we read when we were kids, except now it’s Create Your Own Reality.